Diary of a mother, Jayne, who is also author of Kids and Money: Giving Them the Savvy to Succeed Financially (Bloomberg Press), and her son, Ryan, who just turned 14. I will mostly discuss financial parenting issues, as they come up -- what works, what doesn't, what drives me crazy, what drives Ryan crazy, discussions with his friends, what I'm reading, people I meet as I give workshops, etc.
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Sunday, May 14, 2006
Happy Mother’s Day!
It’s a special day on many fronts. My son, who is turning 18 later this month, will leave the nest in the fall. I made him his last school lunch last week, on his last day of classes. When that realization hit me, I cried. A lot!
As a single mother with a single child, this is a big deal. So I called my sister, Ellen, in tears. I told her I felt panic about the many mistakes I know I must have made as a parent, and I wanted to turn the clock back and do it over again, better. Maybe I should have let him go the performing arts high school he begged me to attend, even though I felt it was better for him to be surrounded by people of all interests. He’d have time to immerse himself in music later. But what if that was a big mistake? Maybe I was to lenient with him on some fronts, and too strict on others. And so on…
Her response helped allay my tears. She said, “You know, it’s the good parents who worry about these things. The lousy parents never think about this because they don’t care enough about parenting.” So by definition, she said, I’m a good parent.
Although my son and I may very well spend future Mother’s Days together, this one feels very poignant, as my day-to-day parenting days ebb to a close. Many years he has forgotten to buy or even make a card for my birthday or other holidays, and it’s hard to know how much it makes sense to remind him to prevent us BOTH from feeling badly, or whether to let him (and me) suffer that sinking feeling when he realizes he forgot… again. I have always contended that letting kids make mistakes and experience the consequences, is the best way to teach them.
This year I decided not to remind him. I was very pleasantly surprised that son remembered Mother’s Day. He gave me a lovely card, in which he wrote something personal, and bought a book on a topic he knows I like. I told him that made it a very personal and special gift.
Mother’s Day is obviously not just about giving and receiving gifts. But when a child, without the help of a guiding adult, makes some effort to select a meaningful gift, it’s gratifying to realize that he has learned that skill well. It’s an important one as he goes through life. Giving from the heart and with thought will help him maintain healthy and happy relationships with friends and, at some point, a partner. It’s not just about money. It’s about paying attention to another person’s needs and desires, about motivation to bring joy to other people.
So maybe that’s one lesson I have taught him well, as he gets ready to spread his wingsl
To all you other mothers, happy Mother’s Day!
6:18 PM
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